one more hour til i turn 19. :)

i feel old all of a sudden, but then who doesnt on every birthday. looking at my sisters graduation pictures just reminds how quickly 2 years hav went went by n i was just like that 2 yrs ago.

looking at the transition form then to now, im surprised at how far i've come. never thought i'll be here today at where i am, thousands of miles away from home, enjoying life in a different land. as i look back at my friends from high school in different paths. i remember all the dreams n predictions we had. how i always wanted to be like my friends, to hang til late at nite n go out whenever i want. looking back then, i wasnt matured enough to handle that kind of freedom to start with. n i appreciate that i din go wild n rebel against what i wanted cos from all the predictions n dreams, mine was d only one that came true.

i never regreted all that i wnet thru,as i take it as experiences that contributed to my growth. who i am today, is someone i never thought i could be 2 yrs ago. i owe heaps to my friends that change me for d better. :) but i stil hav so much more to learn n grow. no matter how old i get, i can always improve to be a better person. thats something i truly believe in.

i guess i better study now, only a week be4 my finals start. *gasp* panic mode hits me now.

xoxo,grace

Torn

Decisions... Trust.... N conscience. Factors that play around my mind to make up my mind. My obedient self is saying no but my fun loving heart says no one has to Noe. I'm torn between wats right n wat I want. Decision... Decisions.... Decisions. We face them everyday with the choices we make affecting our tomorrows in one way or another. I hope I'll make the right one in d end.

wish upon a star

'star shine, star bright, make my wish come true tonight.'

a prayer i used to wished on every night when i was a little girl.

and even when i knew that wishes on a star doesn't come true, i kept wishing anyway.

Thinking faith would keep my wish alive.

it was a way of directing my fantasy of a perfect world in my head... to find hope and peace in a world that fails to provide such security to every individual.

Stars were always my favourite sign.

of course when i was 5 i didn't know that each star was a flaming planets millions and billions light years away.

i always though it was a beautiful natural phenomenal that complemented the moon.

While everyone admired on how lovely the full moon looked,

I would be paying attention to the stars n

thinking to myself ' look at how pretty the stars make the moon shine'

insecurities.

i sometimes dream and wonder if u'll ever love me like u loved her.

this is me with insecurities bursting out a thought.

i know i shouldnt be thinking bout it, cos ur with me now.

but i still see past picstures of how happy u 2 looked.

i know i have plenty of my own but why do i feel like i'll never be as good.

that u'll never feel the connection u had,

i keep thinking maybe we finally had this connection or was it just me?

u gave me one of d best sleepovers i ever had,

just talking n cuddling u made me happy.

i honestly feel like maybe there is a something more to this.

but whenever i have confidence in us,

insecurities kicks in.

leaving me wondering if there was anything more than a spark in d 1st place.