well..i just had a moment like that and I'm letting it all out.
it wasn't a big deal to start with. i told u time after time that shit u say sometimes do upset me. so many times told u and again so many times u said u would change just give u time. well... its been months but nothing is getting better. i hate it when u don't think bout what u say, cos sometimes upsets me. ALOT and u know it sometimes,however sometimes u don't. when u don't , i don't blame u cos i do think that i can get emotional and sensitive, so i usually blame myself and just shut up about it. but rite now, i am on the verge of exploding and i cant just let it go. u say 'sorry' like its a pass to get out of trouble. BUT SOMETIMES SORRY ISN'T ENOUGH!
I'm not seeking for an apology , I'm seeking for change. for sincerity...something genuine that u mean it when u say it. somehow, along the road to where we are now, 'sorry' has lost its sincerity. u use it like its an free pass to avoid arguments and discussions.
your scared that we fight if we talk about it. well..maybe i don't think that way. i would rather sort it out and talk bout it rather then taking the blame just to avoid talking bout it. i told u all this before and i hate repeating myself in these kinda things but i cant see any change even after i brought it up. we promised to tell each other things we didn't like even if it hurts but now i just get the feeling that u would happily avoid certain topics that i wanna talk about. i don't wanna keep it bundled together in knots till i explode one day, i wanna share my opinions and thoughts with u no matter how different we may see things cos to me, being in a relationship isn't about getting it right,its about getting it wrong and learning from each other.
i know sometimes we're worlds apart but u make me feel like i belong in your arms. that no matter what you'll be there for me and i can count on u. but how much do i have to sacrifice to have that feeling? haven't u thought of why i worry so much sometimes? its not always about me, its you. your studies, your views, your future and your well-being suddenly became my interest too. I'm not blaming u but i worry cos i care about u and i love u. if i don't worry bout u then i should start worrying bout myself and us. but i care. a WHOLE LOT TOO MUCH SOMETIMES, but i don't mind. cos if i can do anything or make a difference in your life to make it better then to me its all worth it. but how much more tears and heartache do i have to go thru? u tell me. cos i might not be able to handle too much more.
(sorry that today's post is emo, i just needed to let it out!)
xoxo,yours truly.
