6/11

the worst kind of hurt is the heartbreak. no matter what caused it. it may be the death of a loved one, or the disappointment of a parent or even the end of a relationship. the heart which pumps blood into every organ in our body, keeps our body functioning. without it, we die from a heart attack. but what about times when we don't die physically? we die from a heartbreak.

we don't hear a heartbreak, but we feel it inside. the sudden pain that takes over us physically,emotionally and mentally. we feel the stab of hurt as if a invincible knife had just pierced thru our warm body and straight thru the heart. the unmistakable pain...

all my life, i have made plenty of stupid and just plain mindless mistakes. all which affected me or/and my parents and family. most of it now, i look back and regret. sometimes wishing that if only i could turn back the clock and get another chance, I'll do better...I'll makes the right choices. but like everyone else, there is no turning back.. there is no second chance is doing it all over.

i can apologize till my lips run dry or cry till there is no tears left in me but no matter what i do, nothing can turn back or take away the hurt I've caused both my parents. they say' a wise man learn from other's mistakes but a fool learn from his own'. the saying is very true however, I'm neither a wise man nor a fool. I'm worst than a fool because i don't always learn from my mistakes. and the hurt I've caused my parents replay again like a watched before movie. I've seen it time after time and its not that i do it on purpose, but i just don't think that the consequences of my actions will resurface to haunt me. regretting and fretting over split milk is useless i know, so should we just continue and not worry bout the things we have already done?
i often think which is harder?

to me,continuing with life without trying to worry bout what we have already done is harder. because i know i tend to look back at my actions only after I've done it. sometimes (more often than i like to admit) i act without rationalising or thinking about what consequences i will have to face. stupid, dumb and irrational and unresponsible...but yes, that's the way i am sometimes.

so to my parents who may never get to read this. i apologize to u sincerely. although i would like to promise that i wont let u down ever again, that would be lie that i cannot uphold. i know im human and am not perfect and i would also know that the chances that i wont let u down ever again are as slim as 0. closing this post i hope not to repaet my mistakes and at least be a fool then being worse than one.