California king bed

i miss how u pull ur faces

us summarized.

thank u

ur the boy i never thought i'll fall for. the one who i never thought i'll spend 10 months with cos we were just so different. but u changed me n i'll never be the same without u. how thing ended was my fault n i did u wrong but im glad that u were in my life. i loved u, n sometimes wonder n think to myself.. i think i still do but not the same way as before. i knew u so much better after. what's said and done cannot be changed. im sorry for everything esp d hurt i have caused u that has pushed u to go back into some of ur old habits. i hope u dun fall back into the same patterns.

if i had a wish i would wish that i could take away the pain n make that mine, to undo the hurt n grieft i caused u but i cant, n sorry doesnt cut it but it has been the best i can do. we cant be together but i do appreciate every moment we had together.

valentine's

so we all know the day valentine's day day where rosses n chocolate's prices hijack up the roof. yes, a single rose will costs u like $15 instead of whatever it usually costs. however, most of us dont really know the story behind such a romantic day. to think that valentine's day was celebrating d day that a priest was beheaded is probably far to none in our minds, but yet its true.

Valetine's day started when a priest or bishop by the name of Saint valentine's secretly went against the Roman Emperor then named Claudius's ban of marriage. you see, according to Claudius, the roman empire was getting larger n larger, thus requiring more capable n strong men to become soldiers. he viewed that when soldeirs got married, they became attached and thus will not become good soldiers. hence he issued a law the banned all marriage to assure that the empire will have quality soldiers.

however, Saint Valentine's did not agree with this ban, n secretly performed marriages. soon after the emperor found out about Valentine's doing, n beheaded him for going agaisnt his law. before he died he wrote a letter to a dear friend, signing off as From Your Valentine, which has stuck to this very day.

so while's you celebrate Valentine's day, its was d work of a priest that never gave up on love. :)

so how did you celebrate your Valentine's?

this was mine.

BOXing day!

volunteering in teh orphanage was pretty hectic, esp during meal times. but in d end of the day it was worth all teh sweat to see those smiles on these kids's faces. :) it feels good giving back to the community. giving these kids a festive meal to remember. staying up to watch soccer tonight, supposrt of course my fav soccer team, MANCHESTER UNITED! :D against Chelsea! cant wait to see M.U kick ass! woo.. off now. merry 2nd day of xmas/ Boxing day peeps! :)

on another note,

finally read ur blog earlier, it was all good til i came upon

'Like when i was trying to figure out how to end my relationship,
It took so long i almost went crazy in the process'

and thats when i realised it actually hurt to read that. that i've been such a fool to think that u felt d same as i did for u once upon a time. it shouldnt hurt, it shouldnt affect me now, after all this time, but it does n i dont know why. i dont wanna know the reason cos that would force me to face the truth that i've been denying.

i rather leave it, i was better off not knowing that i was a fool to believe that u could actually come anywhere close to how i felt for u.

one more hour til i turn 19. :)

i feel old all of a sudden, but then who doesnt on every birthday. looking at my sisters graduation pictures just reminds how quickly 2 years hav went went by n i was just like that 2 yrs ago.

looking at the transition form then to now, im surprised at how far i've come. never thought i'll be here today at where i am, thousands of miles away from home, enjoying life in a different land. as i look back at my friends from high school in different paths. i remember all the dreams n predictions we had. how i always wanted to be like my friends, to hang til late at nite n go out whenever i want. looking back then, i wasnt matured enough to handle that kind of freedom to start with. n i appreciate that i din go wild n rebel against what i wanted cos from all the predictions n dreams, mine was d only one that came true.

i never regreted all that i wnet thru,as i take it as experiences that contributed to my growth. who i am today, is someone i never thought i could be 2 yrs ago. i owe heaps to my friends that change me for d better. :) but i stil hav so much more to learn n grow. no matter how old i get, i can always improve to be a better person. thats something i truly believe in.

i guess i better study now, only a week be4 my finals start. *gasp* panic mode hits me now.

xoxo,grace

Torn

Decisions... Trust.... N conscience. Factors that play around my mind to make up my mind. My obedient self is saying no but my fun loving heart says no one has to Noe. I'm torn between wats right n wat I want. Decision... Decisions.... Decisions. We face them everyday with the choices we make affecting our tomorrows in one way or another. I hope I'll make the right one in d end.

wish upon a star

'star shine, star bright, make my wish come true tonight.'

a prayer i used to wished on every night when i was a little girl.

and even when i knew that wishes on a star doesn't come true, i kept wishing anyway.

Thinking faith would keep my wish alive.

it was a way of directing my fantasy of a perfect world in my head... to find hope and peace in a world that fails to provide such security to every individual.

Stars were always my favourite sign.

of course when i was 5 i didn't know that each star was a flaming planets millions and billions light years away.

i always though it was a beautiful natural phenomenal that complemented the moon.

While everyone admired on how lovely the full moon looked,

I would be paying attention to the stars n

thinking to myself ' look at how pretty the stars make the moon shine'

insecurities.

i sometimes dream and wonder if u'll ever love me like u loved her.

this is me with insecurities bursting out a thought.

i know i shouldnt be thinking bout it, cos ur with me now.

but i still see past picstures of how happy u 2 looked.

i know i have plenty of my own but why do i feel like i'll never be as good.

that u'll never feel the connection u had,

i keep thinking maybe we finally had this connection or was it just me?

u gave me one of d best sleepovers i ever had,

just talking n cuddling u made me happy.

i honestly feel like maybe there is a something more to this.

but whenever i have confidence in us,

insecurities kicks in.

leaving me wondering if there was anything more than a spark in d 1st place.